I love in Shrek when he compares himself to an onion and Donkey keeps trying to persuade him to use parfaits for his example. I actually like the use of both depending on the day. An onion has many layers that are somewhat similar. Just like as a person I’ve got my slight differences that people learn as they get to know me. Anyone who knows me well can tell you I’m quirky. However everyone has those days when they are down or feel saddened, mine are a bit different. This is where the parfait fits in. I’ve got an imbalance in my brain that causes me to need medication. If possible I don’t like to go without my medication however when things are tight I will spread out my medication. I’ve been known to go every other day plus the occasional times I forget to take my medication. It’s ok for a week anything longer and I am not me. I’m more like the parfait a crazy mixture of cake, ice cream, chocolate, nuts, hot fudge and lots of whip cream(or whatever type of toppings you like) but every bite is different. Sometimes you get more of one layer than another or none of another. For me that’s the combination of my anxieties and depression. Somedays I just don’t want to get out of bed but have the urge to do something and a slight fear that someone will be upset because dishes and laundry are piling up. I get forgetful, indecisive, and do semi odd things and most likely cannot focus on any of it. Somedays I pray and wonder why God just won’t take it away. Even to the point where I have questioned my own personal beliefs, if my faith is what I think it is. For someone who already thinks about almost every worse case scenario this is a hard one to move past. Emerging oneself in Gods word seeking an answer even though deep down I already know the answer. I Crossfit it gives me a place where I can put my nervous energy, my doubts in myself and reminds me I might cry during the misery that can be a wod but I still survived (especially after 16.5). I’ve had days recently where getting to the gym is harder than getting through the workout. Its hard to explain the change that takes place with medication. I can be extremely anxious or angry at someone and the medication kicks in and it’s almost like going from Hulk to Dr. Banner. This probably doesn’t make any sense, but I never think what I put down makes sense to anyone but myself.

I have been writing and rewriting this post for weeks in my brain. Not because its difficult, but because I want it to be written well. The past 6 months have been a time of thinking, growth, self examination, No matter how I put it I don’t think one word could accurately define it. I have managed to come up with three words: Step In Faith. I have been waiting for God to whisper in my ear and say “Thats what I want you to do”. Generally, I want to run and hide under my blankets when I hear someone whispering in my ear and no one’s around, I would like to think thats a semi normal reaction. Now I don’t actually hear God whisper though I can guarantee it would freak me out, I can’t describe the feeling of when I know God wants me to do something or the tugging of the Holy Spirit on a persons heart. I think its different for everyone. I have always said “I did not want to work with kids”and here I am teaching Sunday school for 1st-5th graders. In my mind they aren’t kids, they are peers and mini adults who have the privilege of not actually having to act like an adult yet. Maybe its because when we become a Christian we all end up on a semi even playing field. I think it has something to do with the learning curve Christ has given us. We all (adults and children) have the same playbook (Bible) we are all imperfect and have been given gifts to help do what he would like us to. I know that sounds really odd and to some maybe a little bit creepy (I promise its not). Holy Cow did I stray from my original thought line. I apologize I am all over the place and its always like that so please.. I beg you hang in there with me.
Ok let’s try this again.. Teaching for me is a very small step in faith. A couple months ago I set a few goals one of which was to take the Leap of Faith whether I liked what it was or not, whether I thought I could or not. When I say Leap of Faith or step in faith I mean it is a continual movement with no visual hesitation. I like to relate a step in faith to the Road Runner and Coyote cartoons…Yep a warner bros. semi violent cartoon. Stay with me for this, at the very least you might get a laugh out of it. So you have your typical cat and mouse chase only reimagined in a desert scene with a better delivery service than UPS and Fedex combined and a company that seems to have a huge arsenal assortment. So we will pick up with the Coyote’s first plan having backfired and he is back to chasing him. We’ve seen it before the roadrunner runs at full sprint from one cliff to the next, the Coyote begins to do the same thing but he looks down and he drops hundreds of feet to the sand below. I know this is a cartoon but like horror movies cartoons have rules that must be followed. The rule: when a cartoon character looks down and he is in mid air (and does not have the super power of flight) He or she will fall to the earth below, if the character does not look down he or she will make it across with no issues. The character who doesn’t look down but keeps going across the empty space would be like a person who is taking a leap of faith, you see no hesitation(doesn’t mean that they aren’t afraid) and the one who looks down and falls is the one with the visual hesitation. The roadrunner knows he is a cartoon and trust that he will not fall where the coyote either doesn’t realize he is a cartoon character or just doesn’t trust in the rule and he always falls. Plus it wouldn’t be as funny if neither one of them fell to the ground. See I told you, you would at least get a laugh out of sticking with me through my crazy thought. Yep I thought so. If you weren’t laughing you should be now. So I’m waiting to take my own jump, leap or step that God presents me with. However I don’t see anything coming my way. Then I see a thing in a church bulletin about a meeting for those wanting to go to Haiti. Honestly, I was slightly intrigued, I’ve never been on a missions trip outside of the U.S.A before. I went on missions trips as a teenager and have been wanting to go on one for a couple of years. So I made Dan go with me to this meeting. I want to go. My first prayer about the trip was literally “God if you want me to go than you will have to supply what I will need” Of course the number one need is money, after all money is needed to purchase a passport, a plane ticket, immunizations and anything I might be missing.

I think this was the step in faith I was supposed to strive for. Its a medical trip, we will be offering a clinic for those who live there. Our team leader would love to teach them about cleanliness( I use that word only because the one I want went running from my brain screaming NEVER!!) HYGIENE thats the word I wanted. As one of the only non medically trained going on this trip I have been told that there will be use for me. This trip is a chance to follow the great commission, love on people whose language I don’t speak, and help those in need. As of right now I have about $600 in my account and my passport has been payed for. In fact there is a really cool story about the passport. I and my prayer partners had been praying for $500 to show up in one day. Don’t ask me why I picked that number, I just happened to decide that was the amount I was going to currently pray for. So I get a check in the mail from someone who would like to remain anonymous and then my Mom out of the blue says she will buy my passport. The total between the check and passport was almost $500 my original figures for my passport actually made the two gifts equal $500. I cannot express how stunned I was. This has been its own adventure, just praying for the funding to come through. I wish my heart could physically speak to you,because I cannot express the feelings that I have had through this experience so far. The closest I can explain is wanting to fall down on my knees but at the same time I want to jump up and shout and praise so all can hear how amazing God is. I still have a long road to go between now and October, but I have been learning through this experience thing that I never thought I could measure for example my faith. When my down payment was due I only had a third of what I needed when I checked out my Gofundme page. I don’t know why but in under 5 minutes I went back to my Gofundme page and some wonderful soul had donated the rest of what was due that day. I honestly didn’t know how lacking my faith was until that moment. I didn’t trust that the money would be granted to me. I didn’t trust that God wanted me to go on this trip. However it was one of the best lessons a believer in Christ can learn. Faith is measurable, however in our fallen human world it will never be enough. I’m hoping that I will be able to keep my wonderful readers and friends up to date with the preparations of the trip as they happen. I would greatly appreciate prayer for the trip and if you feel led to donate there is a link to my GoFundMe page. I can’t wait until all of the fundraising is over. I really hate asking for money from people. I feel like the tv evangelist who all he does is ask for money and I don’t ever want to be seen that way and if I ever start acting that way I pray someone will smack some sense into me.. Sorry about the crazy lack of punctuation, in my brain this is all one long run on sentence.
And remember you only need a little faith trust and pixie dust(It makes me think of the holy spirit or Christ, don’t ask me why cuz I don’t remember and I love peterpan

Dan and I before we bought our house we had discussions about the type of cleaning products we would like to use around our home. We use some pretty basic ingredients and in the long run we save more money. I use a mixture of vinegar,borax,a drop of dishsoap and then fill with water to wipe things down around the house. I also use peroxide,rubbing alcohol and I have been told to you olive oil on your wood work but I have yet to try that one. But the main thing I get questions about all the time is our homemade laundry detergent. If you look there are many recipes on Pinterest and all over the internet. It is really a matter of personal preference and the amount of time you have. Most people I know just use a powder recipe but I prefer more of a liquid detergent. So I’m just going to toss my recipe down.

What You Need:
2 bars laundry soap most people use fells naptha(I use whatever laundry bar kmart sells)
1 box Borax
1 box washing soda(not baking soda there is a difference)

a big soup pot that you will only use for this( I would get one from the thrift store)
an empty container( empty vinegar containers work great but you can also use old detergent bottles)
an old cheese grate (you wont want to use it for anything else when you are done)
a funnel
a ladle
liquid measuring cup and dry measuring cup

You can find most of the products in either the laundry aisle or the cleaning aisle of any story..I know that Walmart carries the washing soda it can sometimes be hard to find

Your first step is to grate up the bars of soap. You wont use all of the soap at once. First boil 3 cups of water and then add 1 cup of the laundry soap. I usually use a semi low heat the longer it takes it seems the better the detergent comes out. Once the soap disolves or melts add 1 cup of borax and 1 cup of the washing soda. Mix it all together, Add 2 cups warm water make sure everything is thoroughly mixed in before you remove the pot from the heat. Because I use plastic jars I add 12 cups of luke warm to cold water.. If you are using a glass container or a metal pan to keep the detergent in you want to use hot water. After you add the cold water stir it for about a minute. It should have begun to thicken up or look something like a slime. Put your funnel into your empty container and ladle the detergent into the funnel. As the detergent begins to thicken it can get clumpy you might need to help the detergent get through the funnel( I just stick my finger in the funnel and push the clump through). You should wait 12-24 hours before use. The detergent does separate when it sits make sure to shake it before use. The recommended use is a 1/2 cup per load. It really depends on the load size and how dirty it actually is. I normally use about 1/3 cup per full load in my front loader. I have made a total of 10 batches so far and I have used about 3/4 of my laundry soap, and I still have a little under half of the box of borax (and I use that for other things also) and quite a bit of washing soda left. I paid about $3.00 for both bars of laundry soap about $3.99 on my Borax and I’m not sure what the price of the washing soda is, it was given to me by my mother-in-law. In the long run it is really reasonable price wise. My first batch lasted close to 3 months. My household consists of myself and I work in a paint department, Dan and then my 10 year old son Raven. He is the type of child that dirt finds him no matter what he is doing. One of my first uses of the laundry soap was his orange winter coat and it had mud stains all over it. One wash and it looked brand new. Making your own detergent is not for everyone I would recommend cutting the recipe in half and trying it before you make a bunch of it. This recipe is actually doubled and due to the amount of water that the recipe uses I have never made more than a triple recipe at once. The best part of this laundry detergent is if it doesn’t turn out perfect you can still use it. If it stays a liquid and doesn’t set it will still work as would have if it had set. Oh and one more thing you may want to wear dishwashing gloves while you make it, it can be messy and you will end up washing your hands until they feel like sandpaper if you don’t. I think the detergent smells fine as is, when it comes out of the dryer you don’t smell anything but if you want to add a pretty scent to your laundry just add a few tablespoons of your favorite scented essential oil. If you want to use fabric softener instead of buying something like Downy you can use white vinegar instead. I don’t use much just because I don’t like the smell of vinegar on my clothes but you can also add essential oils to the vinegar you use. I think that’s all I have for you tonight. Good luck to all of you on your laundry adventure.

I thought this was so appropriate for my first blog since the wedding, for Dan and I this has been a pretty big thing.. For the last year and a half we have had the privilege to be apart of this movie. For us it has been a very unique adventure, it was a first for both Dan and myself.  This started out as Dan wanting to support his friend but became something a little bit bigger for us. We got to spend an entire day at the Grog Shop as extra’s. The best part I had a close up with about 20 words. I loved acting in high school however I was so unprepared for being in front of  a camera, I did something that I never thought I would do….I froze, my mind went blank and I felt like a complete idiot. I knew my lines when we got there that morning, I knew my lines when my hair and make up was getting done I knew those stinking lines up until I walked into the room to say them the first time. I was told tonight that it was only 15 takes for me to get through it…I was shocked when I was told 15 I had figured it was more like 50 some. Tonight we got to see the movie!

It is really hard for me to write how I feel about this movie..Its an amazing film. If I wasn’t so tired I could just rave about the movie but then I would spoil it for you. It covers eleven different story lines that have an amazing depth of emotion. You will laugh during this movie and if you are a softy like me, you will need a hanky for your tears. I know that I am biased! Wouldn’t you be if you had a 20 second part and you got to see yourself on screen…I feel like a rockstar, I was so bouncy and stunned after I saw it. I apologize for my crazed ramblings and run on sentances I’m still excited from tonight.. I can’t wait for its official release date which is June 21,2013.  I plan on seeing it multiple times and not just because of my 20 seconds on screen. This film is just that good. I’m hoping that I can convince everyone and anyone to go see this movie. It is really worth the price of the ticket and snacks that you will purchase at the theater (http://www.atlascinemas.net). I could keep bragging about the movie but its getting late and I will spoil the movie and this is one you just need to go see.